Aaaaaand page 11! Now for the news post:

Hey folks!

So, as you probably noticed, I was AFK for a while. For about 2 months. Sorry for the lack of warning, but… 

Short version: I got a puppy who’s eating up all my sleep and free time, and I’ve been dealing with some family/life stuff as well as some health stuff. Page 12 will be up next Wednesday!

Long(er) version: So the puppy part is pretty self-explanatory- her name is Ciri and she’s a husky and she’s 4 months old next week and she’s terrible and perfect 🙂

As for other life events this year- I became an aunt (?!). I quit my day job. I had to move BACK across the country (yes… again). I reunited with my partner after they were abroad for work for… 9 months. With only a few weeks notice. That was rough, but we’re together again, at least. 

As for the rest of it: I’ve been quiet about this over here (but am generally more open on my twitter). I’ve got that good old fashioned anxiety/depression pretty bad, and 2019 was one of my worst years since my freshman year of college. We’re thinking there’s some ADHD in the mix too. 

Not to get too into the failures of the mental healthcare system here, but it’s been very rough trying to find meds and doctors that work for me. The meds I was on before were just putting me in a lethargic brain fog and I didn’t want to live like that anymore, but switching up meds was WAY shittier than I thought it would be. On top of that- I live in a small town and it is impossible to get in to see a psychiatrist (I’ve been waitlisted for 4+ months now with no end in sight) so I’m stuck juggling multiple doctors and therapists, none of whom communicate well with each other and two of whom are… actively unhelpful. There’s also more crap going on making this all the more frustrating, but that’s the short of it.

Trying not to beat myself up about the two lengthy hiatuses this year. I tend to think shit like “I could’ve powered through, I just need to work harder, I’m just being lazy, I just need to focus, I just have to work harder, this is all just a set of personality flaws I can fix on my own, I’m not doing enough, I suck, just work harder”. Even if the breaks were for health reasons. And I couldn’t “power through”. And I physically couldn’t “work harder”.

Aaaaaaaand THAT’S why it took me so long to post these pages – I was dreading writing this news post. It’s hard not to look back at 2019 with a grimace because I feel… well, see above quotations. And, for a while, it was also hard to look forward. All of it spiraling into a dumb ouroborous of fear and guilt and self-hate resulting in procrastination and denial. For 2 months :,D

I want to do better for you all. I’ve been dying to work on Sell Spell again ever since this (involuntary) break started. Some of my goals in 2020 include being more communicative about my schedule when I can predict it, not over-booking myself, and taking more frequent, shorter breaks so weird, pseudo-burnouts like this hopefully happen less. I promise I’m doing my best.

Ick, okay, weirdly personal years-end essay over. Now, let’s draw a comic!

Thanks for reading, everyone, and happy 2020!